Don’t Let History Repeat Itself – Bloganuary

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

I’d been doing so well to keep up with Bloganuary but we ended up having to go into hospital with my daughter yesterday so I’m a little delayed on posts. She’s home now but the toll hospital trips takes on her and on me mean it takes us a while to recover.

As a family we spend a lot of time in hospitals. Whether for appointments and admissions and it’s often these time, waiting, that I think about the past and contemplate the future. I find it hard to be able to consider the one without the other.

A Different Future

My future in some ways looks how I expected, but in others very different. I have a wonderful partner and daughter and they are things I always dreamt of in my future.

However, from a career point of view my future could not look any more different than I had imagined. My work had always been a very big part of me and very much defined me. I was the ultimate workaholic and I loved my jobs both in the classroom and as a university tutor.

My health means these are no longer possible and I find thinking about the future a little scary. Well terrifying!

Holding onto the Past

I’m holding onto the past hoping for a different outcome. I mean this both physically and in my mind. I have an entire reception classroom of resources in my garage. They’re a source of real contention for my other half as he sees them as taking up space and they are no longer needed. Often he talks about them needing to be gone. This fills me with anxiety.

Need to Let Go

For me they are so tightly intwined with who I was in the past that I don’t feel ready yet to let them go. I don’t feel ready to get rid of who I was and submit to the reality of now. I know I need to. I know that I can’t keep holding onto the past and trying to wait for the future I’d imagined. I need my mind to catch up with the physical reality of now and begin to find my way to a different future. I feel this is even more important to be able to show my daughter.

Learn from the Past to Find the Future

As I mentioned, both myself and my daughter have reasons to frequent hospitals. One thing that strives me forwards is thinking about parallels in my past and where she is now with her health.

I’m determined to show her ways that she can feel useful and valuable. I want her to see that her path doesn’t have to be ‘normal’ (whatever that means). That she can forge her own way, harnessing her incredible skills, finding ways to overcome challenges and lead a fulfilling life – whatever health challenges are thrown at her.

If you have a child who visits hospitals lots you might want to check out this blog post.

Let us know your thoughts...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.